Waiting for a Miracle

Annie (see below) has updated her blog a few times since she came home from Ethiopia with her daughter. After reading her posts, it is obvious that she has undergone a life-changing event. I am so touched by her words. And I have a hunch that words cannot really describe the mixture of emotions she feels right now.

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to adopt internationally. Above everything, I have to say that STAN AND I ARE THE LUCKY ONES. So many adoptive parents hear the comments, "She is such a lucky little girl!" or "It is so great that you are doing this." But, honestly, despite the ups and downs that Stan and I have faced, when all is said and done, we are the ones who are blessed. I know already that the adoption experience will be one of the greatest experiences of our lives.

I can't speak as a parent. I don't yet think that I can truly imagine the love and the full weight of parenthood, but I do feel like I can speak as an expectant mother. Growing up, I looked forward to someday being a mom. I thought this would entail pregnancy, a birth, nursing, and being a first-time mom to a newborn who would grow up and look like me and her father.

At first, it was very hard for me to accept that my adoption gestation would be a little different. And, please spare me the "Oh, you're so lucky to NOT have to be pregnant/give birth/nurse/raise a newborn" stuff. That kind of talk just pisses me off. As I have clearly documented (and could further document until the end of time without ever running out of things to say), adoption has its own breed of anguish, it's own closet of fears, and a very healthy dose of stress & worry. Otherwise, we would ALL adopt a kid or two, right? There is good and bad to both birth and adoption, and I think it is impossible to say which is "easier."

What I'm trying to say is that, despite the things I'm "missing out on," I am so extremely overjoyed to be embarking on this adventure! Lately, I have been thinking of all the things that Stan and I would be missing if we were entering parenthood via the usual fashion. These are things that we never even imagined when we first tossed around the idea of adoption.

The buzz word of all buzz words (at least during the last several years) is GLOBAL. One of the things I love most about Stan is that he has always been informed, and passionately so, of world politics and events. I never thought very much about the struggles of people in other countries, but he was always telling me stories about the Taliban and the Dalai Lama and genocide and refugees and all kinds of things LONG before we ever heard a whole lot about them on the news. When 9/11 happened, I already knew of the Taliban. Stan used to look up at me from a magazine and shake his fist in the air and say, "The Taliban, Michelle! They must be stopped!" And I thought that he was (possibly) overreacting. Many of us, myself included, had no idea what was going on outside of our own back yards.

Now how things have changed! When you start to comprehend that your future child lives in another part of the world, you definitely begin to think (and to love) without borders. Stan and I will not only travel to a foreign country, but we will actually bring home a human being from a far away land to live in our family forever! Our grandchildren (unless they, too, are adopted) will share our child's ethnic ancestry. This new ribbon will be forever woven into the fabric of our name. I would say that this is one of the most significant global experiences a person could have! Even when I thought about adoption in the past, I NEVER thought about this. And this would NOT be happening if everything had gone as planned. It is one of the miracles that comes along with international adoption.

Another thing that I am scared and excited about is this thought: My child's birth parents made a gut-wrenching decision to entrust the life of their baby to a stranger in the hope that this stranger could provide a better future than they could provide. And I am that stranger. I will think of this every single day of my life. Parenting is not easy, but this thought will be my inspiration and my fuel to do the very best that I can. All parents hold oaths of obligation and commitment in their hearts, but the promise that adoptive parents make is especially sacred. Somewhere, in the world, is a woman who will forever hope that she made the right choice, and I must work hard to ensure that her hopes come true.

Another adoption phenomenon takes place when parents meet their child for the first time. It is every bit as exciting and emotional as a live birth. Have you ever watched the show Adoption Stories on the Discovery Health Channel? We've seen nearly every episode, but we still tear-up every time the parent(s) and a little one finally come together for the first time. The same affirmation occurs over and over -- the affirmation that this is meant to be. The fact that men and women (most of them beaten down by infertility issues or singles who have decided that parenthood is a MUST in the series of events that create what we call life) decide upon adoption, travel half way around the world, meet people who do not speak their language, and receive into their arms a child who needs them just as much as they need her, is truly a miracle of undefined magnitude.

Maybe it's a good thing that we have spent so much time waiting. It takes a while to come to these realizations. At first, there was a part of me that wondered if adoption was really the right choice. Now, every day, it becomes abundantly clear to me that this is one of the best decisions we've ever made.

Happy News in MY Adoption Community

One of my adoption buddies traveled to Ethiopia yesterday, and met her daughter for the first time today. Little Maya is absolutely beautiful, and you can read all about her story here. Annie hasn't posted since she left, but I'm sure that she is over the moon.

Another friend who is adopting from Kazakhstan found out yesterday that she will soon travel to Esik, a region of Kazakhstan near the city of Almaty.

It's so great to know that people actually still do work their way through this process and come home with babies!!

Sad News in the Adoption Community

Please say a prayer for the family of Grammy-winner Steven Curtis Chapman. His youngest daughter who was adopted from China died after a tragic accident at their home. You can read more about it here. I am not really a fan of his music, but as soon as we started looking at China for adoption, we learned of his outspoken advocacy of international adoption and his missionary work in China's orphanages.

One of the adoption agencies we "courted" sent us a DVD about adoption, and Steven and his family were the primary focus of the short documentary. Just like every adoption story we have ever witnessed, it touched our hearts. It was obvious that adoption changed his life and that his world revolves around his family. Watching something so personal and so intimate makes you feel like you know them, and today's news has been harder to take than I would have imagined.

Steven and his wife, Mary Beth, co-authored the book pictured above. Click here to learn more about the book or click here to see pictures of the Chapman family and learn about all the work they have done around the world for the benefit of orphaned children.

Spring has Sprung

West Side Market Photos from Crawfishpie on Flickr

I'm still here! First, let me say THANK YOU to everyone who bought a cookbook (or ten). We are completely shocked that they sold so fast! You guys are awesome.

Spring has finally arrived, and there is so much more to do besides blog. I have found it difficult to sit down and write. One weekend, I had planned on a post-o-rama, and then I went out with friends and drank a bottle of wine, a glass of vodka, and three shots. WHAT was I thinking? I was seriously ill for a full 36 hours.

Immediately thereafter, I came down with a nasty cold/cough and remained sick for a week! After that finally went away, I felt so good that I basically abandoned all computer-related tasks except for blog-stalking. And let me tell you, everyone has been in a blog slump. No one is posting, so I don't feel so bad.

Other things I've been doing ...

... I watched the HBO mini-series "John Adams." I thought it was put together very well. I did get a little bit irked with him during the presidency episode. Thank goodness he came to his senses in his older age. I found Thomas Jefferson very interesting and would REALLY like to see a series about him.

... We're watching yet another season of Survivor. We like this show even though it's "so reality." Can you believe that Erik gave away the immunity idol?

... I'm also watching Lost. And we're all still lost. That show is so SLOW.

... I'm obsessed with the West Side Market. Last week I bought the following items for only $45: 6 pints of strawberries, a loaf of Italian bread, a canister of Hungarian paprika, 5 oranges the size of your head, 1 pound of green beans, 1 head of lettuce, 6 Yukon gold potatoes, 6 plum tomatoes, 2 cookies, 4 handmade Italian sausages, 2 peppers, 1 Russian tea biscuit, 2 Hungarian garlic kolbas, 2 chocolate treats, 2 Vidalia onions, 1 pound of mushrooms, 2 bunches of bananas, 1 cucumber, and a partridge in a pear tree.

... I'm reading My Father's House: A Life of Adoption by David Jones. He is adopted, and he proposes that all interpersonal commitments (biological and otherwise) are adoptions. He says that even biological parents must "adopt" their children, and by making that commitment, truly enter into parenthood. Marriage, too, is an adoption of sorts, as is genuine friendship.

The Cookbooks Are Here -- SOLD OUT

Updated Update: SOLD OUT!! Yay!! Thank you everybody!!

Update: Even though there aren't very many comments, we have almost sold all 200 copies that we ordered!!! There are a handful left, and we need to get them outta here, so just let me know if you want one. Thanks everybody!





The cookbooks are here!



Description ...

• Over 100 tried-and-true recipes submitted by our friends & family.


• Includes favorites such as Judy's Taco Dip; JP's New Doodley, Toodley, Pina Tequiladas; Stan's Jambalaya; Ardra's Kick Ass Bolognese; and Alison's Banana Spice Cookies with Icing.


• Even if you did not actively contribute a recipe, you may be surpised to see your recipe in the book. If you've ever given me a good recipe or made me a good treat, you might be a contributing chef!


• Proceeds will go toward our adoption. If something goes wrong and the adoption does not take place, the proceeds will be donated to a children's charity.


• Designed as a celebration of family, the cookbook is a great gift idea for Mother's Day.


• Convenient pick-up locations in Cleveland, Columbus, Mt. Gilead, and Mansfield.


• Commit now and pay later! Deferred payment available.


• For a limited time, free shipping available to our out-of-state friends!


• Buy an extra for your co-worker, relative, or foodie friend!


• Cost is a low $10.

Email me at msolinger@hotmail.com or leave a comment to place your order.

Happy Birthday Alex!!

This Christmas. Grandma, Grandpa, Alex, Wyatt, Rider.

Alex is my one and only niece. This past week, she celebrated her 21st birthday.

So, what can I tell you about Alex? I have a lot of funny memories where Alex is concerned. I'll give you the short version of a few. Once, my dad (her grandpa) ran her over with a wheelbarrow. (This is par for the course in my family. My mom was once ran over by a bed, and my brother was ran over by a hay wagon.) That same weekend, she spent a lot of time digging for treasure (quarters) in our garden and telling our elderly neighbor that she "couldn't see a thing" without Grandma's ruby red reading glasses. On another weekend, it was a game to see how many fried eggs she could eat. (Maybe the best thing about this was that Grandma obliged, and I kept saying, "Are you sure she should eat MORE eggs?!")

The first time I ever laid eyes on her was when she ran into my room (at age 3 or 4), grabbed a lipstick and ran away with it! For a few years, Alex loved to play games like Connect Four or Tic Tac Toe but ONLY if we played for money. When I got married, Alex was a bridesmaid in the wedding. She was the one who came to me at the reception, tears streaming down her face, saying, "Oh my God! They're spanking Grandpa! It's the funniest thing I've ever seen!" If it weren't for her, I'm sure I would have missed seeing two of my African American lady friends spanking my dad's backside (in unison) on the dance floor.

Happy 21st, Alex! I hope you enjoy it -- it only comes once in a lifetime. I had a lot of fun on my 21st birthday. I was a student at OU, and my housemates and I threw a huge keg party complete with an in-house band. Our living room was transformed into a stage/dance floor and everyone rocked out in full 90s style. Along with just about everybody we knew, there were scores of people whom we did not know but simply showed up because there was a great party going on. I'm sure that cops came, as they always did, but it was cool. We just told them we'd do whatever it was they were asking us to do. And everyone had a great time. (At least, this is what I believe happened on my 21st birthday. I have been known to mix all of my party weekends together. Brain cells were lost along the way.)

The next day we went to our favorite bar (Tony's) and I did a shot with the bar owner (Tony) to celebrate my 21st birthday. (We had been drinking there for a few years, so it was a little bit awkward to tell Tony that I was turning 21 -- after he and his staff had served alcoholic beverages to me for so long! But on the other hand, he could celebrate the fact that I had made it to the other side and could now be counted among the legitimately "of age" regulars at his bar. I'm sure I wasn't the only one to do a 21st birthday shot with Tony.)

Anyway, happy birthday Alex!!! We love ya!!

Esther is a Pooper and She Smells Like Cottage Cheese

Esther (aka Boober, aka Stinky Moe, aka Pooper) is the best cat who ever lived. Like most cats, she is furry and speaks in meows. But in many ways, Esther is different than the rest. For example, she sleeps in the bed with us under the covers and stays there all night until "the family" gets up in the morning. When we come home from work, she is waiting at the door to greet us. When we eat dinner, she sits on a chair at the table (waiting patiently -- or not so patiently, depending on the fare -- for a bite).

When we sit on the couch and watch TV, she climbs onto one of our laps and falls into a deep and laid-back sleep until it's time to go to bed, which she knows is ten-ish. If we stay up past our bedtime, she has been known to stand at the bedroom door and meow until we join her. On the weekend, she seems to accept that we stay up past ten, and retires to the bedroom on her own (at ten o'clock).

Esther goes outside under semi-supervision. She knows where her yard begins and ends. She's usually pretty good about staying in her own yard, as long as she knows we are watching her. She acts up every now and then. For example, if we have people over to our house and we are not babying her as we usually do, she will climb onto the top of our piano (stepping on a few low octave keys on her way up) and then stare into the corner and howl. This means that she is ready for everyone to go home and for Mommy and Daddy to shower her with affection. This is about has unruly as she gets.

Once, when we were away on vacation, her caretakers accidentally closed and locked the kitchen door (the door that goes to the basement and to her litter box). It was about 24 hours before the problem was discovered/fixed, but to everyone's surprise, it appeared as if Esther had left no "surprises" in the house.

When we came home from our trip, we did find one spot where Esther had relieved herself. The poor dear must have scoured the house for the best possible place to do her thing, and (other than the toilet) we couldn't have chosen a better spot ourselves. She found a wadded up old towel in the back of a closet and that is where she decided to pee. All we had to do was throw away the towel. Now, if you don't have any pets, this may not sound too impressive. Most pet owners in this situation, however, would come home to Zoo Central on the living room floor. A lot of pet owners, in fact, come home to Zoo Central on the living floor even when their pet was given plenty of access to proper potty places.

Esther loves me and Stan both, but she is definitely Daddy's Little Girl. Stan has made up a library of songs in Esther's honor. Here are a few. (Keep in mind that the lyrics were chosen mainly for humor and rhyming effect -- not for accuracy of content.)

Her name is Esther,
She is a kitty,
And she smells like cottage cheese.

Her name is Esther,
She is so shitty,
And she's so damn hard to please.

***

Rub-a-dub-dub,
Put Esther in the tub
And mix her up with some applesauce.

The Journey of a Year

One of the blogs I like to read is 3 Peanuts. I started following this blog about a year ago, when we first thought about adoption. Little Kate is so adorable, and her mom is a very creative and classy blogger.

April 4 marked the one year anniversary of Kate's homecoming from China, and her mom put together a terrific commemoration video. Please go watch it here. Be sure to turn on the volume.

Happy Birthday Brian!

Happy Birthday in Chinese

First, let me say that I never should have started this birthday stuff because every time I turn around it's either someone's birthday or it WAS someone's birthday and I forgot it or it WAS someone's birthday and I didn't forget it, but I never blogged about it either. The latter is the case when it comes to Brian. I remembered his birthday and reminded myself each day for two weeks to blog it. Nevermind that after the first week, his birthday was over!

Brian is my big brother, and I have always looked up to him. He is ten years older than me, so when I was three, he was thirteen. I remember being three years old and how I would take a bath every night and then put on my night gown. After bath time, it was TV time for the family. I remember walking into the family room, all washed and pretty and gowned, and Dad and Brian would whistle at me until I blushed. Then they would fart until the room was unbearable. It was great fun. Now Brian is a dad himself, and I can assure you that his two sons would act the same way if they were blessed with a baby sister.

Happy Birthday big brother!

Easter 2008

Conversation between my 4-year-old nephew Henry and his mom at church on Easter Sunday during communion ...

Henry (watching the priest administer communion): I want some of those chips.

Ardra: You can't have any, Honey. You have to be a certain age.

Henry: Why do I have to be a certain age? Are they spicy chips?


Later in the van after church ...

Grandma Cookie: So, I told Henry that, yes, Jesus is in our hearts. His spirit and his kindness and his joy.

Henry: Grandma, is that kind of like the FORCE in Star Wars?

Everyone: YES!! It is kind of like that.

Henry: But the FORCE is stronger, right uncle Eric (Stan)?

Uncle Eric (Stan): That's RIGHT Henry.

Harvey is For Real

Did you ever watch that old classic movie with Jimmy Stewart and the human-sized, imaginary rabbit? I LOVE that movie. If you ever watch it, make sure you pay attention. The humor is very subtle.

Well, this is no pooka. This is a REAL rabbit. I snopes'd it and everything. Look at those feet!! Imagine if you saw this guy hopping down the bunny trail?

Happy Birthday, Jenny!

This is a picture of Jen getting her hair done for my wedding. We all just looked so cute that day! Jen's birthday was on Sunday. What can I tell you about Jen? She's one of the funnest people I know. She makes a killer margarita, and she has a heart as big as the moon.

We were in the same preschool together, but I don't remember her so much from that year. I do remember the next year (Kindergarten) when she barfed Hamburger Helper all over her desk. That's my earliest memory of Jen.

My second memory was also from Kindergarten. Jen, Penny Watson and I had a lunch date! We met at Jen's house and ate some kind of lunch (it was not, to my relief, Hamburger Helper).

I don't remember anything else about it except that sometime either before or after this, I asked my mom/dad if they would call Penny Watson's mom/dad for something (I don't remember what) and they said I COULD CALL PENNY MYSELF! I specifically remember calling her from the rotary phone in our wallpapered kitchen on Scotland Boulevard and thinking I had hit the big time now -- calling people MYSELF. It was a milestone.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN!! We love ya!!

Last Saturday's View

My Latest Obsession

These are red-tailed hawks. You Ohioans may not realize this, but they are abundant in our area and are sitting in trees just like this all the time right out there in front of our noses and we don't see them. I don't know when it started, but sometime in the last few years, I started watching for them on our numerous trips up and down I-71. I became pretty good at spotting them along the highway and would watch for them as a way to pass the time.

For some reason, I never really looked for them when I was just driving around town. Lately, I decided that I would start looking for them locally, and now I see one almost every time I go to or from work. It's getting kind of crazy. I mean, I'm looking up into the trees WHILE I'M DRIVING. Oh, and I've also been listening to a book on CD about vampires. So, driving is just a background activity. I've tried to stop looking for the birds, but I'm totally obsessed. I love these things. They are HUGE. They weigh three or four pounds, and when you see one, they appear to be even bigger than that. I particularly get excited when I see two together as shown in the picture above. I've only spotted a "pair" twice.

Does anyone else have this obsession?

Bunny Humor

I've seen this before, but it still cracks me up EVERY TIME.

Happy Birthday Mom!

If you remember the pictures from my dad's birthday, these pictures of my mom will surely explain why they are meant for each other.

This is my mom playing the washboard at a Zydeco bar on Bourbon Street in New Orleans. That's a feather boa she's wearing. She had been watching the washboard player and studying his every move. And he noticed. So, he gave her the board and let her have a go at it.

Happy Birthday, Mom!! We love you!

Real Entries in Our Local Paper's Police Blotter

A 62-year-old man who lives in the 14100 block of Kennerdown Avenue threatened President George Bush, prompting a visit by agents from the U.S. Secret Service. The agency did not return calls seeking information. Police here said they did not know the nature of the threat.

Thieves in Garfield Heights will steal not only the kitchen sink, but the new faucet, the kitchen counter, copper pipes, the furnace and the hot water tank. Such was the case when police arrived at a home on Maplerow Avenue. The front lockbox was missing and the door was unlocked. The key was lying on the basement floor near a pack of chocolate cupcakes ... (the thievery doesn't surprise me -- it's the mention of the chocolate cupcakes).

The Marymount Villa also experienced a robbery. A man called and said someone stole his mother's dentures valued at $2,800. He said an unknown Hispanic woman stole them, but there aren't any Hispanic women employed there.

Happy Birthday Wyatt!

Wyatt in red. Rider in yellow.

Wyatt is my nephew, and today is his birthday. Wyatt was the first grandchild born to our family. I remember the day he was born. We were all so happy! When I got to the hospital, my mom and dad were standing outside and my dad had tears in his eyes. Mom and Dad had driven to Canton from Mansfield. I had driven from Cleveland, and Jason had driven from Toledo. It was a GREAT day for the Solingers.

And Wyatt has continued to amaze us ever since! He is a very smart young man, and his teachers cannot say enough nice things about him. He has many "female admirers" but he doesn't usually refer to them as girlfriends. He loves sports and can hold his own in adult conversations regarding the Indians, Browns, or Cavs.

Happy Birthday Wyatt!! We love you!!

Picture Perfect

I'm sort of in a funk and just don't have any good ideas for posts. Here is a picture you might like. It is my mom's family when she was about four years old (I think). My grandma and grandpa are in the back row. The two older girls are my Aunt Jeanne and Aunt Evelyn. The handsome little boy is my Uncle Jack. Next to him is my mom and next to her is my Aunt Carolyn.

My mom is looking down because she was wearing new shoes and she was admiring how pretty they looked. In another snapshot from this same photo shoot, my uncle is looking up at an airplane. And in both, Aunt Carolyn is struggling horribly with the family cat.

Happy New Year (of the Rat)

Happy Chinese New Year!

I'm a rat. And so are you if you were born in the year 2008, 1996, 1984, 1972, 1960, 1948, 1936, 1924, or 1912. This is our year!

Rats are perfectionists. They communicate extremely well, are quick-witted, level headed and always alert. They choose their friends carefully and dote on children. Rats are great strategists and make good politicians, but most importantly, their intuition enables them to suss out the enemy quite early in the game. Rats are shrewd and know how to amass wealth. They’ll gladly spend on their loved ones while outsiders will find them miserly. Their adaptability and clever manoeuvring will see them thumbing their nose at even the tightest spot. But they can be quick-tempered and overly critical, making them edgy, nervous and a downright nag with things don’t go their way. They have an opportunistic trait that will see them wheeling and dealing in exploiting situations for self-benefit.

Famous people born in the Year Of The Rat:
Antonio Banderas, Antonio Moreno, Ben Affleck, Bobby Avila, Burt Reynolds, Cameron Diaz, Carlos Delgado, Churchill, Colin Firth,Doris Day, Englebert Humperdinck, Fernando Valenzuela, Hector Elizondo, Hugh Grant, Juanes, Jude Law, Julianne Moore, Justina Machado, Kathy Bates, Kenny Loggins, Marlon Brando, Mozart, Pedro Armendáriz, President George Washington, Ron Moody, Samuel J Jackson, Sean Penn, Shakespeare, Timothy Hutton, Truman Capote, Ursula Andress, and Xavier Cugat

The Chinese zodiac signs are determined by the lunar year in which you were born. The Chinese believe the animal ruling one's birth year has a profound influence on personality, and destiny. The saying is: "This animal hides in your heart."

123, 5, 3 Meme

I don't know exactly what a meme is. I think Alison explained it to me at one time, but I didn't really get it. I see this word all the time in the blog world. To be honest, it annoys me. It's shop talk. It has something to do with tagging other bloggers and revealing things about yourself. I'm ok with the concept -- it's just the word that bugs me. Maybe because it's so close to mime, and don't like mime's either. Or mines. Or fines. Now I sound like Dr. Seuss.

Anyway, Alison tagged me and now I have to go to the nearest book, open it to page 123, skip the first five sentences and tell you the next three. I looked up from my laptop with a knot in my stomach because I happen to be surrounded by cookbooks at the moment.

Which reminds me, I am still taking recipes. I've only received a handful from you guys so far, and I know you have GREAT recipes. Kristy, send me your corn dip recipe. Jen, send me your margarita recipe. Alison, send me a good drink recipe from your bartending days. Jeromy, don't you make fudge? Rick, I know you're a cook! Hailey, how about some spaghetti with pepperoni? Ok, enough harrassment. (My email is msolinger@hotmail.com.)

Sooo, the book closest to me was Betty Crocker's Cookbook. Page 123 is a recipe for Apple Wrapper Pie. Sentences 6-8 say this:

Cover with plastic wrap to keep it moist while making filling. Mix brown sugar and flour in a large bowl. Mound apple mixture on center of pastry to within three inches of edge.

Sexy, isn't it? If I had cheated and gone to the second closest NON-COOKBOOK book, you would have gotten this quote from Tom Robbins' Skinny Legs and All:

In this room, the salamander was squashed between the pages of the rhyming dictionary, thereby changing poetry forever. Here, Salome walked around with a big red fish held high up over her head. Old father spanked her with a ballet slipper, sending her to bed without milk or honey.

Now, Stan picked up book number three and we have discovered why this meme has the instructions it has. Whoever made this up had to be reading book number three which Stan now holds in his grubby hands. You will have to go to my other blog to see the quote. If you haven't been there yet, email me at msolinger@hotmail.com and I'll give you an invite.

I tag myself. And I tag you too. What are you reading? What are sentences 6-8 on page 123?

On The Bus: Next Stop Obama For President

You may have noticed that I'm on the bus. That means I'm a deadhead (a loyal fan of the Grateful Dead) and that I "expanded my consciousness" in my younger years. Someday, I will tell you all about my adventures on the bus.

But today, I just wanted to share this with you. I received an email this morning saying that the Dead will play a show together in support of Barack Obama. The concert will take place this Monday at the Warfield Theatre is San Francisco. This is the first time that the surviving members of the band have played together since 2004.

The event will be called "DeadHeads for Obama." I'm so excited I could pee myself. You have to understand that the boys have historically made it a point to avoid mainstream politics. They must REALLY dig Obama to do this.

Yes We Can

I will vote for Obama if I get the chance. In Ohio, we do not usually get much of a say in the primaries. If you are following the presidential race (as all Americans SHOULD), and you haven't had the chance to hear this man speak, you are really missing out. I know that being a good public speaker isn't everything, but it can move people and inspire people and maybe just take us all up a notch or so.

No one will ever believe me, but I said what Caroline said before Caroline said it. From an article by the American Press:

"I have never had a president who inspired me the way people tell me that my father inspired them," Caroline Kennedy wrote in op-ed posted Saturday on the Web site for The New York Times. "But for the first time, I believe I have found the man who could be that president -- not just for me, but for a new generation of Americans." ... Kennedy wrote that she wants a president "who appeals to the hopes of those who still believe in the American Dream, and those around the world who still believe in the American ideal; and who can lift up our spirits, and make us believe again that our country needs every one of us to get involved."

Happy (Belated) Birthday Alison!

Happy Belated Birthday to another BFF from the way back when! Alison, Jen, and I are notoriously belated when it comes to birthday wishes. It’s our norm, so it’s ok. My birthday is in November and I typically receive a present from Jen in December or February (depending on whether we get together for Christmas, New Years, or Valentine’s Day). This year, Jen bought me these witch’s feet. (It's a planter/vase.)

But I digress. This post is supposed to be about Alison. One of the best things about Al is that we laugh at the same things in movies, often when no one else sees the humor. When we were younger, we used to go to the movie theater and this laughing at the “wrong” moment would cause one of us to say, “Why isn’t anyone else laughing? What is wrong with these people?” It’s worse now that we are grown up. If Stan and I go to a movie and this phenomenon occurs, I’m the ONLY one laughing. It is at these times that I always think of Alison.

If you’ve noticed a big slow down over at Aliblog, all you have to do is call Alison and you’ll know why. The children have outnumbered the parents. It is quite a lovely situation. Last week, our phone call conversation lasted about 5 minutes. She had to go when someone kicked someone in the head. Oh, the joys of motherhood!

Happy Birthday to a wonderful mom of three, an inspirational blogger, and a genuine friend!

A Request for Recipes

Adopting a baby costs more than what I make in a year. We've never spent so much money on something, except for the purchase of our home. In an effort to raise some funds, I'm putting together a cookbook, but I need your help! Please email me one or two of your all-time favorite recipes. I want the best-o-the-best. I hope to have the cookbooks ready by Easter time. If you think you could sell a few copies to friends or co-workers, let me know so that I have an idea of how many we should assemble. You can contact me at msolinger@hotmail.com. If you want to contribute a recipe, please send it within the next week or two. Thank you in advance for your help.

Ni Hao, Kai-lan!

If you have kids in the cartoon-watching age group, here's one that sounds pretty cool. It's premiering on Nick Jr. You can read more about it here. The name of the show is "Ni Hao, Kai-lan." Ni hao means hello in Chinese. The web page on Nick Jr. says that the show is a "play-along, think-along series" infused with Chinese language and culture. "Ni Hao, Kai-lan reinforces the idea that being bicultural and bilingual is being American." The premier airs Thursday February 7 at 11:00 a.m.

Dear CCAA, Why Are You So Slow?

First -- EMAIL ME PLEASE -- I want to invite you to my other blog if I haven't already done so. See the post below this one.

Now, for today's news ... there is quite a ruckus going on over at Rumor Queen. Her post today states that the JCICS (Joint Council on International Children's Services) is preparing a letter of concern to be issued to the CCAA, mainly asking why the wait for China adoption has become so slow-moving.

RQ's post doesn't really sound so interesting, but if you read the comments, you can get a pretty good idea of how intense the China program's adoption community is. Some waiting parents have received a letter from their agency (not ours) saying that China anticipates completing the February 2006 LIDs during the year 2008. They are currently working on December 2005 LIDs. This is downright pathetic and makes everyone feel sick to their stomach. I can't even imagine how it must feel to have an LID in March 2006 and realize that if I had submitted my dossier just four months earlier, I would have my child a whole YEAR sooner.

This is probably totally confusing to everyone except people like me who are waiting. I have tried to explain LIDs in prior posts. I really don't want to get too windy here, but an LID is the date that China "(L)ogged (I)n your (D)ossier" to their system. Our LID is 9-28-07. Your LID tells you where you are in line with all the other waiting parents.

With this kind of snail's pace, The China program is in jeopardy. If agencies cannot continue to receive applicants, they will be unable to collect the revenue needed to keep their offices running. Additionally, the incredible slow-down leads some parents to speculate whether China might be in the initial stages of shutting down its own program.

I wonder if China may decide it actually needs its little girls. Some calculations project that, in a few short years, China will have a female deficit of 50 million "missing" girls. This means that, if nature were allowed to take its course, 50 million more girls would be alive and well in China than what is projected. (The Nazis murdered 6 million Jews. This is 50 million baby girls being aborted, abandoned, or hidden.) This gendercide will have dire consequences for China's society, the most obvious effect being a shortage of wives for the men. Instead of giving these little baby girls to loving families in America, why not save them (and save face) for a rainy day? I am totally speculating this all on my own, but I do believe it's a legitimate concern.

In any case, we're staying right where we are. There is no harm done in waiting this out a little longer. It is certainly a possibility that China will speed up its program. We're in it for the long haul!

(The picture above is obviously Glinda the Good Witch of the North, but some of us OU friends call her the Dancing Queen. I imagine her when I think of what the Rumor Queen must look like.)

Email Me

I'm starting another blog, for invited guests only. I'll keep this one too, but I won't post here as often as I have been. If you know me personally and you haven't already received an invitation, please send me an email so that I can send you an invite to the secret, members-only blog.

For reasons I cannot discuss, only people I know can be invited to the new blog. So, even if you only see me once a year (all you Mansfield friends), or I haven't seen you in years, or whatever, please send me an email so that I can send you an invite.

My email address is msolinger@hotmail.com.

Jillyboop

photos by Jenny
jillyboop on flickr.com

Jillyboop all the way home. Please join me for an evening of jillybooping. A jillyboop time was had by all. Won't you be my jillyboop? It's a jillyboop world in the winter, through the ives of the evergreen tree. It's one part jillyboop to three parts tequila.

Jillyboop is the name of Jen's site on flickr.com. Jen is one of my BFFs from the way back when. Jen is one of a kind. She's searching for her lost shaker of salt, if you know what I mean. And she's a great photographer. I want to steal her awesome camera.

Jilly is her chocolate lab. She's a peach. Jen's hubby travels a lot for his job, so Jen and Jilly are inseperable buddies.

Click here to check out more of more of Jen's photos on flickr.com.

Merry Christmas Everyone

Joyous Motherhood by Cecil Youngfox

Last week at church, our minister defined The Christmas Spirit as this:

Anticipation and Expectation

of a miracle

right

now

He crystallized what I had been trying to put into words inside my head all this Christmas season. I have had some dark days in the past few months -- days where I feared that adoption would be as elusive to me as pregnancy. And I am learning (more and more every day) that this journey to the land of International Adoption is a lot tougher than I ever imagined.

I think of Mary and Joseph, and how they must have wondered to themselves, "Can this really be true? Can I really believe that this will happen?" And also, "Will I love this baby like my own? What will he look like (if not like us)?" After all, Jesus was raised by a man and woman who were not exactly his biological parents. So many people waited for him, and in less-than-perfect conditions, he was born to us all.

This Christmas, you all know what I want. I wear it on my sleeve, especially here on this blog. I know there will be no baby this Christmas, but I also know this: I am an EXPECTANT mother and I am ANTICIPATING my miracle.

And if you are waiting too, for whatever it is that your heart desires, let's dream together and anticipate together and expect it to happen. Let's get ready. Let's believe.

Christmas Question, Part One (Revisited)

I couldn't resist. Here are more of my favorite Christmas movie quotes.


FROM IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ...

Young George: Make up your mind yet?
Young Mary: I'll take chocolate.
Young George: With coconuts?
Young Mary: I don't like coconuts.
Young George: Don't like coconuts? Say brainless, don't you know where coconuts come from? [pulls out a National Geographic magazine] Look-it here, from Tahiti, the Fiji Islands, Coral Sea.
Young Mary: A new magazine! I never saw it.
Young George: 'Course you never. This is just for explorers. It just so happens I've been nominated for membership in the National Geographic Society. I'm going out exploring some day, just you watch. And I might even have a harem, and maybe even one or two wives.

FROM A CHRISTMAS STORY ...

Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!

You used up all the glue... on purpose!

NOTTAFINGA!

Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie!

Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.

In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.


FROM SCROOGED ...

How did that happen? That happened because it's Christmas Eve. I'm not crazy. It's Christmas Eve. It's the one night when we all act a little nicer. We...we smile a little easier. We...we...share a little more. For a couple of hours we are the people we always hoped we would be. It's really a miracle because it happens every Christmas Eve. And if you waste that miracle, you're gonna burn for it. I know. You have to do something. You have to take a chance and get involved. There are people that don't have enough to eat and who are cold. You can go and greet these people. Take an old blanket out to them or make a sandwich and say, "Here." "l get it now." And if you give, then it can happen, the miracle can happen to you. Not just the poor and hungry, Everybody's gotta have this miracle! It can happen tonight for you all! If you believe in this pure thing, the miracle will happen and you'll want it again tomorrow! You won't say, "Christmas is once a year and it's a fraud." It's not! It can happen every day! You've just got to want that feeling! You'll want it every day! It can happen to you! I believe in it now. I believe it's gonna happen to me, now. I'm ready for it! And it's great. It's a good feeling. It's better than I've felt in a long time. I'm ready. Have a Merry Christmas. Everybody.


FROM CHRISTMAS VACATION ...

The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thspirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.


FROM HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS ...

Then he got an idea. An awful idea. The Grinch had a wonderful, awful idea.

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch. With a nauseaus super-naus. You're a crooked jerky jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Grinch. You're a three decker saurkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce.

It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages boxes, or bags!
And he puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore.Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more.

Zanna Doo!

Fiona and her cub by Marisa

If you haven't been introduced to the newest member of the Bolen family, head on over to Aliblog and take a peek. Suzanna (but they call her Zanna) is the cutest thing I've ever seen! Congratulations!!!

Dear Baby: What I Love About Daddy

This is the second post in a series of "Dear Baby" letters.

One of the things I love most about Daddy is his pure joy and excitement about Christmas. He loves Christmas more than anyone I know! Just look at him in that picture up there -- he's like the anti-Grinch. Speaking of the Grinch, Daddy knows every word to every song from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," even the foo-foo and tiddle-dum-tinkler words. (Between you and me, I'm pretty sure he is fluent in Whoish.)

You may not want to hear about this, but our first kiss was on the night of a Christmas party. I remember it like it was yesterday! We walked home from the party, and heavy snowflakes fell from a midnight blue sky. The street was so quiet and beautiful. It felt just like we were inside a snow globe. We stayed up late watching Christmas movies. I remember Rudolph saying, "She thinks I'm cute!" and wondering if Daddy "liked" me. And then he kissed me. And my heart glowed just like Rudolph's nose.

I'm sure you know, as my child, that I am quite the worrier. There have been few times in my life when I felt as if everything was right with the world, but each instance that comes to mind includes Daddy at its center.

One such time was when he asked me to marry him. We were visiting our college hang-out, Tony's. I love Tony's as if it were a living, breathing friend. And that night, the place was in high form with Frank Sinatra singing "Fly Me to the Moon" and Tony himself, flirting with a young neo-hippie college girl. Brad was behind the bar pouring the drinks, and my pilsner glass of Killian's was cold and sweet. I literally thought to myself, "Everything at this moment is PERFECT." That's when your dad took a tiny little box out of his pocket, slid it across the table and said, "So, what do you say, Solinger?" Now, that may not sound Prince-charming romantic to you, but it is 110% Stan-romantic and I couldn't have dreamed a more perfect engagement.

What else do I love about Daddy? He writes songs about our cat, Esther, and goes around the house singing them. Most of them include swear words or poop words, so I'm sure they will meet your comedic standards as you grow up listening to them.

And he can play the piano like nobody's business! I remember the first time I saw him play. I had no idea that he had this talent, even though we had been good friends for about three years. We were at a holiday party in suburban New Jersey with Lumpy and Scottie and the mail man and a bunch of other people, most of whom I did not know. I think there was a lady named Nancy. And someone ripped Keith's shirt open! There was a piano and Daddy just sat down and played. The room erupted.

Most of all, I love Daddy because he sees me as I am. It is easy sometimes to lose track of yourself -- to see yourself through others' eyes and in the roles you have been assigned. Daddy loves the ME of me. He is my home and my fuel. Someday, little one, when you grow up and feel as if everything is too big or too small to fit your mind and like you no longer know what to hope for, all you have to do is seek out your Daddy. He loves the YOU of you even now, so many moons before ever seeing your face or knowing your name.

Christmas Question -- Part Two

The Baptism of Jesus ~ He Qi

I love Christmas songs just like I love Christmas movies. What is your favorite song? Again, I love them ALL, and it's impossible for me to choose. I'm posting two of my current favorites below.

It Came Upon the Midnight Clear ~ Everyone knows this one, but READ these lyrics. It is a great song.

It came upon the midnight clear,
That glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth,
To touch their harps of gold:
"Peace on the earth, goodwill to men
From heavens all gracious King!"
The world in solemn stillness lay
To hear the angels sing.

Still through the cloven skies they come,
With peaceful wings unfurled;
And still their heavenly music floats
O'er all the weary world:
Above its sad and lowly plains
They bend on hovering wing,
And ever o'er its Babel sounds
The blessed angels sing.

O ye beneath life's crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow;
Look now, for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing;
Oh rest beside the weary road
And hear the angels sing.

For lo! the days are hastening on,
By prophets seen of old,
When with the ever-circling years
Shall come the time foretold,
When the new heaven and earth shall own
The Prince of Peace, their King,
And the whole world send back the song
Which now the angels sing.


Some Children See Him ~ This song is on James Taylor's christmas album. I LOVE it, especially now that I am imagining my own baby and how he or she will look different than me.

Some children see Him lily white,
the baby Jesus born this night.
Some children see Him lily white,
with tresses soft and fair.

Some children see Him bronzed and brown,
The Lord of heav'n to earth come down.
Some children see Him bronzed and brown,
with dark and heavy hair.

Some children see Him almond-eyed,
this Savior whom we kneel beside.
Some children see Him almond-eyed,
with skin of yellow hue.

Some children see Him dark as they,
sweet Mary's Son to whom we pray.
Some children see him dark as they,
and, ah! they love Him, too!

The children in each different place
will see the baby Jesus' face like theirs,
but bright with heavenly grace,
and filled with holy light.

O lay aside each earthly thing
and with thy heart as offering,
come worship now the infant King.
'Tis love that's born tonight!

Christmas Question -- Part One

I LOVE Christmas movies, even really sappy ones or cheesy ones or black and whites with dudes singing and dancing. I love them all!! I could list about 100 of my favorite quotes from Christmas movies, but I will post just this one.

George Bailey: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary.

Mary: I'll take it. Then what?

George Bailey: Well, then you can swallow it, and it'll all dissolve, see... and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair... am I talking too much?

Now, if you love Christmas movies too (and I KNOW you do), leave a comment and tell me what your all-time favorite line from a Christmas movie is. If you don't remember the line word-for-word, that's ok. Or, if you want to get it right, just google it. Let's get some participation here people! Come on you lurkers!!

Thank God for Brangelina

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for Brad and Angelina. Yeah, that's right. Brad and Angelina. I'm only going to say this once, and I want all of you to listen closely. I don't know if Angelina got special treatment in receiving her children, but if she did, she certainly deserved it.

Before adopting three children internationally (from Cambodia, Ethiopia, and Vietnam), Ms. Jolie had already devoted herself to the worldwide humanitarian crisis. In her life, she has traveled to and assisted the people of Cambodia, Sierra Leone, Tanzania, Pakistan, Thailand, Ecuador, Kosovo, Kenya, Namibia, Sri Lanka, Russia, Jordan, Egypt, Haiti, India, New Delhi, Chad, Syria, and Iraq.

She has served as a Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. (The UNHCR protects refugees and assists in their return or resettlement.) She was the first recipient of the Citizen of the World Award, and she was also presented with the Global Humanitarian Award as well as a membership to the Council on Foreign Relations.

She and Brad Pitt have devoted time, energy, and oodles of money to global causes. They have used their fame to bring attention and aid to people around the world.

This touches me because, as a fellow adoptive mom-to-be, it is becoming very clear to me how fortunate and lucky we are. My daughter will live for one year in an orphanage. She will most likely receive her first bath the night after she is placed in our arms. Her "first picture" will be her referral picture sent to us prior to travel. In it, she will look like a little boy. Her hair will be cut very short to minimize head lice. She will most likely be wearing a heavy winter coat to keep her warm as the orphanage is very minimally heated. Many times, food will not come when she is hungry, but only at the regularly scheduled feeding time.

Since we have started this journey, we have learned a lot about the world beyond the U.S. We are still novices, as there is so much to learn, but we are realizing that our world view is very warped. For example, did you know that if you own your home, have a car, pay your bills, and send your children to college, you are part of the wealthiest 2% of the world population? Think about this the next time you are watching television and you are bombarded with advertisements for SUVs, diamond rings, and electronic gadgets.

A REAL world view is shown below.*

If we could reduce the world's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, the demographics would look something like this:

The village would have 60 Asians, 14 Africans, 12 Europeans, 8 Latin Americans, 5 from the USA and Canada, and 1 from the South Pacific.

51 would be male; 49 would be female.

82 would be non-white; 18 white.

67 would be non-Christian; 33 would be Christian.

80 would live in substandard housing.

67 would be unable to read.

50 would be malnourished and 1 dying of starvation.

33 would be without access to a safe water supply.

39 would lack access to improved sanitation.

24 would not have any electricity; of the 76 that do have electricity, most would only use it for light at night.

7 people would have access to the internet.

1 would have a college education.

1 would have HIV.

2 would be near birth; 1 near death.

5 would control 32% of the entire world's wealth; all 5 would be U.S. citizens.

33 would be receiving -- and attempting to live on -- only 3% of the income of "the village."

*The original version of the State of the Village Report by Donella H. Meadows was published in 1990 as "Who Lives in the Global Village?" and updated in 2005. With so many new reports and constantly changing statistics, please view the above presentation as general and not meant to be totally accurate. It is more for the purpose of fostering understanding, so that we might better dialogue and understand the different cultures of our world.

Happy Birthday Rider!!

Rider is my nephew, and today is his birthday. Rider is a stellar athlete. He loves baseball, basketball, and football. He is also a terrific hugger and a very smart young man. He loves to play UNO, eat popcorn, and go on long strenuous hikes up very big mountains in Tennessee. Happy Birthday, Rider! We love you!

The Concurrent Conundrum

We've been doing our homework. Last week we spent hours and hours online and on the phone to adoptive parents and adoption agencies across the country. Other agencies are allowing concurrent adoption for their parents waiting for babies from China, and we met several parents who are already deep into the concurrent process.

Unfortunately, when we contacted our agency to get the ball rolling, we ran into a lot of resistance. So we went back to the forums and chat rooms and contacted the parents online who were also hitting a lot of red tape. Would you believe that they used our same agency for their China adoption?

Then, the final blow came when our agency issued an update to all parents saying, in summary, there is no way for them to predict the current wait for China (the math is too difficult for them to even venture an estimate). Additionally, they listed several popular countries for international adoption and basically formulated a reason why most of them would not be viable as concurrent options. You can do it in Columbia, but they have a 3-year wait. Ethiopia does not understand why families would want to adopt from more than one country and would therefore need "concrete answers to satisfy this question." Kazakhstan and Russia have no rules one way or the other for concurrent, and are therefore too risky. Needless to say, Stan and I feel that a lot of what they said is bullshit.

The problem is this. Our contract with the agency precludes us from pursuing a concurrent adoption with another agency. So our China agency is against concurrent, and we are not permitted to go elsewhere for concurrent either. This leaves us with the following choices: (1) stay right where we are and wait 4-5 years for a child from China; (2) terminate our China adoption and lose all of the money we have already paid so that we can legally begin a paperchase to another adoption with a different agency; (3) knowingly breech our contract with the China agency and pursue a concurrent adoption behind their back, risking the chance of being involuntarily terminated from the China program; or (4) go "Raising Arizona" and steal babies from owners of unpainted furniture stores.

Here's the deal, folks. We haven't decided anything yet, and in light of the highly-charged emotional and legal risks associated with each of the options listed above, we have chosen to deal with this privately and not discuss it on this blog until a solid, definite, and final decision has been made.

Please keep us in your prayers, send good vibes our way, practice some positive voodoo on our likenesses, throw a penny in a wishing well, or do whatever you do to think good thoughts. It has been an uphill battle for us to start a family, and let me tell you, Stan and I think of little else. It is heartbreaking to KNOW something in your soul but find yourself incapable of realizing that dream. There have been few things in my life that I have "known" in this way. So far, all of them have come true. I have to believe that this one will, too.

Re-Cap

Maybe those last two posts were too long and you all died of thirst/starvation/boredom while reading them. Anyway, in case I buried the punchline beyond recognition, here is a re-cap:

The Bad News: Our baby from China will not be here until 2012 or later.

The Good News: We are going to (try to) go get us a baby boy from some other country while we wait. Details to be announced.

The Bad News

Disclaimer: If you want the good news first, scroll down to the post below this one.

Many moons wait. When we got into this, we knew that we would have a long wait in front of us. Lately, however, we have been doing our homework on the subject, and it turns out that 24 moons may not be accurate at all.

Before I tell you what we've learned, I feel that it's important to tell you about our sources. Many of you reading this are friends and family, but there may also be waiting families reading this blog, and I want everyone to know how we came to our conclusions.

When you are adopting internationally, you have several resources at your disposal:

1. Your agency
2. Fellow adoptive parents
3. The government
4. Books and other written literature
5. Websites

In this Information Age, we all know that the smart researcher will consider not only the content of the message, but also the source from which it came. As for the above list, there are good and bad things to be said of each.

Agency -- Our agency is great. We are using Children's Hope International. We love all of the people who have helped us through the paper chase, mainly our adoption specialist and our social worker. We've spent a lot of time with these ladies (one is an adoptive parent and the other is a waiting mom) and we really feel a bond with them. That being said, it's important for adoptive parents to remember that the agency is still a business. Like any corporation these days, there is something to watch out for -- the spin factor. When we talk about "the wait" with our agency, we are always told the same thing: the current wait is 24 months, and we expect this wait to grow in 2008. This statement is completely true and reasonable, but it's also just a tiny sliver of truth, scraped from the top of the ice burg of information available on this particular subject. This, my friends, is a spin.

Adoptive Parents -- If you want some real information, find some people who are in your same boat (i.e., the slow boat to China!). But take caution -- some of these people are at a completely different stage in the wait, and some of them have taken the 24-month story to heart (as we did). If you just want some inspiration, there are plenty of blogs out there loaded with pictures of adorable little girls who are now at home in the U.S. with their forever families. See my list of blogs I like on the right. 3 Peanuts and Katiebug's Journey are blogs I found back in February when we first started thinking about China. At the time, both little girls were still in China and both sets of parents were preparing for their trip. It was great to catch them right at that moment and follow their story through travel, coming home, and becoming a family. For those of you (Dad) who are not so computer-savvy, please note that you can click on the names of the blogs and be directed right to their site.

It's also important to meet people "in real life" who are adopting. We attended a seminar this week and met a handful of people in our area who are adopting internationally. We hope to establish friendships with these people. We're all in this together!!

Government -- Adoption is heavily regulated by state and federal law. Furthermore, because international adoption involves the immigration of the child to the U.S., adoptive parents and their agency must work with the State Department, the Department of Homeland Security, the FBI, the Consulate, the Embassy, and the Immigration and Naturalization Service (just a name a few off the top of my head). The government is pretty reliable in their information as it pertains to Chinese adoption, but they don't always explain things in the simplest of terms. And their focus is not on the wait, but rather the forms you will need.

Books and other literature -- The world of international adoption changes at a head-spinning pace. Book content can be outdated before it even reaches the shelves of your local Barnes & Noble. Magazines and newspapers are probably a better option, but still, the focus is not typically on the subject of the wait.

Websites -- If you're adopting from China, it won't take you very long to find the Rumor Queen. As I perused the hallways of the blogosphere, I kept hearing about this Rumor Queen or about a rumor or about something found on "RQ." It seemed as if everyone (I mean everyone) was listening to this lady! I thought, "Well who is SHE? Why should she know something that my agency doesn't know?" And then I went to her site, and I saw how intense she was and how intense her readers were. And I thought, "These people are all CRAZY!"

But I kept reading, and I did my homework, and it turns out that she is a fairly reputable source. She gathers her information from insiders (international adoption agency employees from all over the world, many of whom who are willing to, anonymously, tell it like it is). She also gathers information from CCAA's website and puts it into one place for everyone to read. (The CCAA is the Chinese government entity overseeing adoption in that country.)

Rumor Queen has no spin. And she has some common sense. And she can do the math for the rest of us. Like most analysts, RQ estimates that there are currently 20,000 to 30,000 people like us waiting for a baby from China. (Read that again and let it sink in. 20,000 to 30,000 people. No shit.) And we are at the end of that long line. Approximately 300 to 400 babies are matched with their forever family each month. You can do the math, or you can let the Rumor Queen do it for you, "... that means it will take 71.25 months to get through the backlog. How long is 71.25 months? Five years, eleven months, and 8 days." And that was from June of this year, so Stan and I (LID 9-28-2007) are faced with the realization that our wait may be even longer. Click here to read this particular post at Rumor Queen's site, China Adopt Talk.

http://chinaadopttalk.com/2007/06/24/the-backlog/

So, my friends, it is not 24 moons to our daughter. It is 71.25+ moons.

If you're thinking things could change -- well, it is possible that things could change for the better. For one thing, many families are deciding to accept children with special needs (SN). Those taking the SN track can receive their referrals ahead of everyone else, thus removing them from "our" line. Also, it is estimated that approximately 25% of waiting families drop out (probably after THEY do the math). This 25%, however, was taken into consideration by RQ when she calculated the estimated number of families waiting right now. I believe, though, that this percentage will grow even bigger if the agencies start to revise their "24 months and likely to grow" spin into something closer to the truth.

If you're thinking things could change -- well, it is possible that things could get worse. I don't want to go into it too much (I believe the news above is bad enough to satiate even the most Pekar-ish of doomsayers), but the Olympics and the media attention on China could actually slow down the referral process. As ludicrous as it may sound, China wants it to be a secret that so many baby girls are adopted from its borders every year. And they certainly don't want people to know that the number of abandoned babies who do not survive their first year is far, far greater than the number of babies adopted. But let's save that topic for another day, or I'll never finish this post, which we can all agree is too long already.

Now, for the good news.

The Good News

photo by NASA

The good news is ... we don't think we'll drop out of the China program, and we ARE going to do whatever we can to begin a journey to our SON! We're moving on to the long-term plan, people.

We had planned to get our daughter from China and then begin the paperchase for a boy from whatever country seemed right at the time. We thought he would be Baby Number Two. If things work out, he will be Baby Number One and he will come home with us while we wait for his sister!

Where will we go next in our pursuit of parenthood? We're not ready to publicize any details yet, because we are still in the information-gathering stage. To be honest, we don't know for sure ourselves. We're going to meet with our agency as soon as we can. Obviously, our goal this time is to choose a country with a short wait time. We have to make sure that this "concurrent" adoption can be done.

For the moment, we feel very confident that this will work. Stan is preparing himself to conduct Jedi training as we speak! I'm thinking about the nursery. Here we go again. Oh boy!