Annie (see below) has updated her blog a few times since she came home from Ethiopia with her daughter. After reading her posts, it is obvious that she has undergone a life-changing event. I am so touched by her words. And I have a hunch that words cannot really describe the mixture of emotions she feels right now.
I've been thinking a lot about what it means to adopt internationally. Above everything, I have to say that STAN AND I ARE THE LUCKY ONES. So many adoptive parents hear the comments, "She is such a lucky little girl!" or "It is so great that you are doing this." But, honestly, despite the ups and downs that Stan and I have faced, when all is said and done, we are the ones who are blessed. I know already that the adoption experience will be one of the greatest experiences of our lives.
I can't speak as a parent. I don't yet think that I can truly imagine the love and the full weight of parenthood, but I do feel like I can speak as an expectant mother. Growing up, I looked forward to someday being a mom. I thought this would entail pregnancy, a birth, nursing, and being a first-time mom to a newborn who would grow up and look like me and her father.
At first, it was very hard for me to accept that my adoption gestation would be a little different. And, please spare me the "Oh, you're so lucky to NOT have to be pregnant/give birth/nurse/raise a newborn" stuff. That kind of talk just pisses me off. As I have clearly documented (and could further document until the end of time without ever running out of things to say), adoption has its own breed of anguish, it's own closet of fears, and a very healthy dose of stress & worry. Otherwise, we would ALL adopt a kid or two, right? There is good and bad to both birth and adoption, and I think it is impossible to say which is "easier."
What I'm trying to say is that, despite the things I'm "missing out on," I am so extremely overjoyed to be embarking on this adventure! Lately, I have been thinking of all the things that Stan and I would be missing if we were entering parenthood via the usual fashion. These are things that we never even imagined when we first tossed around the idea of adoption.
The buzz word of all buzz words (at least during the last several years) is GLOBAL. One of the things I love most about Stan is that he has always been informed, and passionately so, of world politics and events. I never thought very much about the struggles of people in other countries, but he was always telling me stories about the Taliban and the Dalai Lama and genocide and refugees and all kinds of things LONG before we ever heard a whole lot about them on the news. When 9/11 happened, I already knew of the Taliban. Stan used to look up at me from a magazine and shake his fist in the air and say, "The Taliban, Michelle! They must be stopped!" And I thought that he was (possibly) overreacting. Many of us, myself included, had no idea what was going on outside of our own back yards.
Now how things have changed! When you start to comprehend that your future child lives in another part of the world, you definitely begin to think (and to love) without borders. Stan and I will not only travel to a foreign country, but we will actually bring home a human being from a far away land to live in our family forever! Our grandchildren (unless they, too, are adopted) will share our child's ethnic ancestry. This new ribbon will be forever woven into the fabric of our name. I would say that this is one of the most significant global experiences a person could have! Even when I thought about adoption in the past, I NEVER thought about this. And this would NOT be happening if everything had gone as planned. It is one of the miracles that comes along with international adoption.
Another thing that I am scared and excited about is this thought: My child's birth parents made a gut-wrenching decision to entrust the life of their baby to a stranger in the hope that this stranger could provide a better future than they could provide. And I am that stranger. I will think of this every single day of my life. Parenting is not easy, but this thought will be my inspiration and my fuel to do the very best that I can. All parents hold oaths of obligation and commitment in their hearts, but the promise that adoptive parents make is especially sacred. Somewhere, in the world, is a woman who will forever hope that she made the right choice, and I must work hard to ensure that her hopes come true.
Another adoption phenomenon takes place when parents meet their child for the first time. It is every bit as exciting and emotional as a live birth. Have you ever watched the show Adoption Stories on the Discovery Health Channel? We've seen nearly every episode, but we still tear-up every time the parent(s) and a little one finally come together for the first time. The same affirmation occurs over and over -- the affirmation that this is meant to be. The fact that men and women (most of them beaten down by infertility issues or singles who have decided that parenthood is a MUST in the series of events that create what we call life) decide upon adoption, travel half way around the world, meet people who do not speak their language, and receive into their arms a child who needs them just as much as they need her, is truly a miracle of undefined magnitude.
I've been thinking a lot about what it means to adopt internationally. Above everything, I have to say that STAN AND I ARE THE LUCKY ONES. So many adoptive parents hear the comments, "She is such a lucky little girl!" or "It is so great that you are doing this." But, honestly, despite the ups and downs that Stan and I have faced, when all is said and done, we are the ones who are blessed. I know already that the adoption experience will be one of the greatest experiences of our lives.
I can't speak as a parent. I don't yet think that I can truly imagine the love and the full weight of parenthood, but I do feel like I can speak as an expectant mother. Growing up, I looked forward to someday being a mom. I thought this would entail pregnancy, a birth, nursing, and being a first-time mom to a newborn who would grow up and look like me and her father.
At first, it was very hard for me to accept that my adoption gestation would be a little different. And, please spare me the "Oh, you're so lucky to NOT have to be pregnant/give birth/nurse/raise a newborn" stuff. That kind of talk just pisses me off. As I have clearly documented (and could further document until the end of time without ever running out of things to say), adoption has its own breed of anguish, it's own closet of fears, and a very healthy dose of stress & worry. Otherwise, we would ALL adopt a kid or two, right? There is good and bad to both birth and adoption, and I think it is impossible to say which is "easier."
What I'm trying to say is that, despite the things I'm "missing out on," I am so extremely overjoyed to be embarking on this adventure! Lately, I have been thinking of all the things that Stan and I would be missing if we were entering parenthood via the usual fashion. These are things that we never even imagined when we first tossed around the idea of adoption.
The buzz word of all buzz words (at least during the last several years) is GLOBAL. One of the things I love most about Stan is that he has always been informed, and passionately so, of world politics and events. I never thought very much about the struggles of people in other countries, but he was always telling me stories about the Taliban and the Dalai Lama and genocide and refugees and all kinds of things LONG before we ever heard a whole lot about them on the news. When 9/11 happened, I already knew of the Taliban. Stan used to look up at me from a magazine and shake his fist in the air and say, "The Taliban, Michelle! They must be stopped!" And I thought that he was (possibly) overreacting. Many of us, myself included, had no idea what was going on outside of our own back yards.
Now how things have changed! When you start to comprehend that your future child lives in another part of the world, you definitely begin to think (and to love) without borders. Stan and I will not only travel to a foreign country, but we will actually bring home a human being from a far away land to live in our family forever! Our grandchildren (unless they, too, are adopted) will share our child's ethnic ancestry. This new ribbon will be forever woven into the fabric of our name. I would say that this is one of the most significant global experiences a person could have! Even when I thought about adoption in the past, I NEVER thought about this. And this would NOT be happening if everything had gone as planned. It is one of the miracles that comes along with international adoption.
Another thing that I am scared and excited about is this thought: My child's birth parents made a gut-wrenching decision to entrust the life of their baby to a stranger in the hope that this stranger could provide a better future than they could provide. And I am that stranger. I will think of this every single day of my life. Parenting is not easy, but this thought will be my inspiration and my fuel to do the very best that I can. All parents hold oaths of obligation and commitment in their hearts, but the promise that adoptive parents make is especially sacred. Somewhere, in the world, is a woman who will forever hope that she made the right choice, and I must work hard to ensure that her hopes come true.
Another adoption phenomenon takes place when parents meet their child for the first time. It is every bit as exciting and emotional as a live birth. Have you ever watched the show Adoption Stories on the Discovery Health Channel? We've seen nearly every episode, but we still tear-up every time the parent(s) and a little one finally come together for the first time. The same affirmation occurs over and over -- the affirmation that this is meant to be. The fact that men and women (most of them beaten down by infertility issues or singles who have decided that parenthood is a MUST in the series of events that create what we call life) decide upon adoption, travel half way around the world, meet people who do not speak their language, and receive into their arms a child who needs them just as much as they need her, is truly a miracle of undefined magnitude.
Maybe it's a good thing that we have spent so much time waiting. It takes a while to come to these realizations. At first, there was a part of me that wondered if adoption was really the right choice. Now, every day, it becomes abundantly clear to me that this is one of the best decisions we've ever made.
