Real Entries in Our Local Paper's Police Blotter

A 62-year-old man who lives in the 14100 block of Kennerdown Avenue threatened President George Bush, prompting a visit by agents from the U.S. Secret Service. The agency did not return calls seeking information. Police here said they did not know the nature of the threat.

Thieves in Garfield Heights will steal not only the kitchen sink, but the new faucet, the kitchen counter, copper pipes, the furnace and the hot water tank. Such was the case when police arrived at a home on Maplerow Avenue. The front lockbox was missing and the door was unlocked. The key was lying on the basement floor near a pack of chocolate cupcakes ... (the thievery doesn't surprise me -- it's the mention of the chocolate cupcakes).

The Marymount Villa also experienced a robbery. A man called and said someone stole his mother's dentures valued at $2,800. He said an unknown Hispanic woman stole them, but there aren't any Hispanic women employed there.