The Concurrent Conundrum

We've been doing our homework. Last week we spent hours and hours online and on the phone to adoptive parents and adoption agencies across the country. Other agencies are allowing concurrent adoption for their parents waiting for babies from China, and we met several parents who are already deep into the concurrent process.

Unfortunately, when we contacted our agency to get the ball rolling, we ran into a lot of resistance. So we went back to the forums and chat rooms and contacted the parents online who were also hitting a lot of red tape. Would you believe that they used our same agency for their China adoption?

Then, the final blow came when our agency issued an update to all parents saying, in summary, there is no way for them to predict the current wait for China (the math is too difficult for them to even venture an estimate). Additionally, they listed several popular countries for international adoption and basically formulated a reason why most of them would not be viable as concurrent options. You can do it in Columbia, but they have a 3-year wait. Ethiopia does not understand why families would want to adopt from more than one country and would therefore need "concrete answers to satisfy this question." Kazakhstan and Russia have no rules one way or the other for concurrent, and are therefore too risky. Needless to say, Stan and I feel that a lot of what they said is bullshit.

The problem is this. Our contract with the agency precludes us from pursuing a concurrent adoption with another agency. So our China agency is against concurrent, and we are not permitted to go elsewhere for concurrent either. This leaves us with the following choices: (1) stay right where we are and wait 4-5 years for a child from China; (2) terminate our China adoption and lose all of the money we have already paid so that we can legally begin a paperchase to another adoption with a different agency; (3) knowingly breech our contract with the China agency and pursue a concurrent adoption behind their back, risking the chance of being involuntarily terminated from the China program; or (4) go "Raising Arizona" and steal babies from owners of unpainted furniture stores.

Here's the deal, folks. We haven't decided anything yet, and in light of the highly-charged emotional and legal risks associated with each of the options listed above, we have chosen to deal with this privately and not discuss it on this blog until a solid, definite, and final decision has been made.

Please keep us in your prayers, send good vibes our way, practice some positive voodoo on our likenesses, throw a penny in a wishing well, or do whatever you do to think good thoughts. It has been an uphill battle for us to start a family, and let me tell you, Stan and I think of little else. It is heartbreaking to KNOW something in your soul but find yourself incapable of realizing that dream. There have been few things in my life that I have "known" in this way. So far, all of them have come true. I have to believe that this one will, too.